in your head, in your head.

zombie. zombie. zombie. zombie. zombie.

zombie. zombie. zombie. zombie. zombie.

zombie. zombie. zombie. zombie. zombie.

close my eyes.

Lately I feel like I can't stand her anymore.
So much hatred wells up inside of me.
She's family, though. Are you to hate family?

Maybe I'm right, or wrong, or just ignorant.
I know what I'm feeling though.

and this is how I feel.
- Sarah

murdered by a circus freak?

During the summer, my biffle and I met this guy via MySpace. He seemed to be pretty cool and all that crap, and we started to talk on AIM and such. She talked to him far more than I did, but then I slowly began talking to him as well. The conversations escalated to the exchanged of cell phone numbers and we began texting. Stroder's really fun, and cool to talk to.

So, we decided to hang out. Last night we met at Las Margaritas (NOM!) and had dinner (except he didn't eat). After that we spent the remainder of the evening hopping from Hastings to Wal-Mart, and the like, and then we separated. It was honestly a lot more fun than it sounds. I'm always nervous about meeting people, so I'm glad it went over well.

I don't really have a lot to say, I just wanted to update.
Uhm... Later. (:
(this update was pointless.)

i find it kind of funny.

Tonight I went to St. Louis. I saw Adam Lambert live.

He did the pelvic thrust. A lot.



The end.
- Sarah.

tonight's gonna be a good night... ?

So, last night me and a few of my friends decided to go eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant where we also have some of our... favorite Mexicans. Jonathan and Sergio have been my friends for several months, and we always like going to visit them at work. However, due to the situation that happened last Friday, it was very awkward. Jonathan didn't hardly look at any of us, and wouldn't really talk to anybody, not even me, and we talk, in Spanish, all the time.

I texted him, because I wanted to make sure he didn't hate me. His messages were all very abrupt, 'leave me alone' 'goodbye', and the like. There were even a few curse words wedged in there. After that, I found out that one of my friends screwed him last Friday. Oh, this just keeps getting better, right? Wrong. I tried to talk to him about it, and he denied it.

It was weird for me, and now I hate that since this happened, he doesn't want to hang out with me or even see me, because the situation is strange. Last night, me and Tiffany rolled in at about midnight, and went to bed at like one. At two, I received a phone call. I went to look at my phone and it was from Jonathan. I ignored it. He called back. I ignored it, and then he called Tiffany.

And after several, "No, Jonathan, I can't come to your house, its too late," and many, "You are my friend, Sorry, Jonathan. It's thirty-five minutes away. I'm in bed. I can't,"s, he finally gave in and hung up. Then he called me... again. I ignored it, twice, and then he sent me a blank text message. And this is how that part of the conversation went.

Sarah: DORMIENDO! (I'm sleeping!)
Jonathan: Quiero sexo. (I want sex.)
Sarah: Se. En mi cama, y muy cansada, Jonathan. (I know, I'm in bed and very sleepy.)
Jonathan: Quiero sexo. (I want sex.)
Sarah: No sexo este noche. Lo siento. Adios. (No sex tonight, sorry, goodbye.)
Jonathan: Quero sexo con Friend #2*. (I want to have sex with _______.)
Sarah: Friend #2 es no aqui. Adios. (_______ is not here, goodnight.)
Jonathan: Quiero el numero de Friend #2. (I want ______'s phone number.)
Sarah: No me importa. Buenos noches y adios. (I don't care, goodnight and goodbye.)
Jonathan: Puja quiero cojer. ('I'm up', I wan't to f*ck.)
Sarah: No me importa. Basta. Adios. (I don't care. Enough! Goodnight.)
Jonathan: Ok, bebe. (Okay, baby.)

And that was the conversation. I rolled over and passed out. When I woke up, me and Tiffany cuddled and talked about the ridiculousness of our drunken Mexican friends. There was more to the story about me and Sergio, but that can wait for another day.

Later, everyone.

(*I don't really wanna give away any names, not that he knows her name...)

sing 'cause its obvious.

I don't sing. I don't do many things. But there are many things that I do, and not all of them are good... as I have learned. Sometimes, I hate myself so much that I just curl up into a ball and cry. I can never talk to anyone about it, because its pathetic, right? I try not to have any pity for myself. And just when I think I'm stabilized, it happens again and I burst into tears. Jealousy, and loneliness fill me, almost always.

I love my best friend. I know that I've probably ruined her life. I just wish that I could be a better person. I wish that I wasn't so sensitive. I wish that right now, as I write this, that I wasn't crying. Because that makes me who I am, and that part of who I am, I hate. It's the bad part of me, its the part that nobody wants to be around, the part that makes me have so few friends.I'm a bitch, I get it. I'm the weird kid, the one who listens to the bands that wear eyeliner, and who spends most of her time on the computer, designing stuff or talking to people that she's never met face-to-face, because other than her best friend, that's all she has.

I'm annoying and young, and maybe that's also a factor. I get it, now more than ever, that I'm just a 'baby'. I've heard the word 'baby' so many times in the past few months, that if I had a dollar, or maybe even a quarter for every time, I would be a rich girl. I hate being this 'baby' but I realize that I am kind of a baby, however that's not what they all mean by it.

I like to take pictures, I love photography. I like to express my emotions through photography. The picture above, I was feeling similar to how I'm feeling right now, so it was kind of appropriate to post it... I guess
.There is so much self-hate going through my body right now. Why am I like this? I don't want to be like this. I want to be better for myself and for my friend(s). I know at some point, she will read this. And that's fine, because it's not entirely her fault that I'm upset. Just know this... I love you.

That's it, because I don't want to say anything more.

i think that maybe, quite possibly, i've fallen for you.

Tiffany found this a few days ago, and then everyone else discovered it. It's pretty amazing and hilarious. I'm on Team Buffy all the way. Screw the Team Edward or Team Jacob shirts, how about Team Buffy for people who don't really even like the entire Twilight 'saga'?

Anyway, here's the clip that she found. It's quite humorous. I enjoyed it very much in all of its six minute glory. Check it out and leave comments. (:

That's it, everyone!
Peace out. <3 Sarah