sing 'cause its obvious.

I don't sing. I don't do many things. But there are many things that I do, and not all of them are good... as I have learned. Sometimes, I hate myself so much that I just curl up into a ball and cry. I can never talk to anyone about it, because its pathetic, right? I try not to have any pity for myself. And just when I think I'm stabilized, it happens again and I burst into tears. Jealousy, and loneliness fill me, almost always.

I love my best friend. I know that I've probably ruined her life. I just wish that I could be a better person. I wish that I wasn't so sensitive. I wish that right now, as I write this, that I wasn't crying. Because that makes me who I am, and that part of who I am, I hate. It's the bad part of me, its the part that nobody wants to be around, the part that makes me have so few friends.I'm a bitch, I get it. I'm the weird kid, the one who listens to the bands that wear eyeliner, and who spends most of her time on the computer, designing stuff or talking to people that she's never met face-to-face, because other than her best friend, that's all she has.

I'm annoying and young, and maybe that's also a factor. I get it, now more than ever, that I'm just a 'baby'. I've heard the word 'baby' so many times in the past few months, that if I had a dollar, or maybe even a quarter for every time, I would be a rich girl. I hate being this 'baby' but I realize that I am kind of a baby, however that's not what they all mean by it.

I like to take pictures, I love photography. I like to express my emotions through photography. The picture above, I was feeling similar to how I'm feeling right now, so it was kind of appropriate to post it... I guess
.There is so much self-hate going through my body right now. Why am I like this? I don't want to be like this. I want to be better for myself and for my friend(s). I know at some point, she will read this. And that's fine, because it's not entirely her fault that I'm upset. Just know this... I love you.

That's it, because I don't want to say anything more.