sing 'cause its obvious.

I don't sing. I don't do many things. But there are many things that I do, and not all of them are good... as I have learned. Sometimes, I hate myself so much that I just curl up into a ball and cry. I can never talk to anyone about it, because its pathetic, right? I try not to have any pity for myself. And just when I think I'm stabilized, it happens again and I burst into tears. Jealousy, and loneliness fill me, almost always.

I love my best friend. I know that I've probably ruined her life. I just wish that I could be a better person. I wish that I wasn't so sensitive. I wish that right now, as I write this, that I wasn't crying. Because that makes me who I am, and that part of who I am, I hate. It's the bad part of me, its the part that nobody wants to be around, the part that makes me have so few friends.I'm a bitch, I get it. I'm the weird kid, the one who listens to the bands that wear eyeliner, and who spends most of her time on the computer, designing stuff or talking to people that she's never met face-to-face, because other than her best friend, that's all she has.

I'm annoying and young, and maybe that's also a factor. I get it, now more than ever, that I'm just a 'baby'. I've heard the word 'baby' so many times in the past few months, that if I had a dollar, or maybe even a quarter for every time, I would be a rich girl. I hate being this 'baby' but I realize that I am kind of a baby, however that's not what they all mean by it.

I like to take pictures, I love photography. I like to express my emotions through photography. The picture above, I was feeling similar to how I'm feeling right now, so it was kind of appropriate to post it... I guess
.There is so much self-hate going through my body right now. Why am I like this? I don't want to be like this. I want to be better for myself and for my friend(s). I know at some point, she will read this. And that's fine, because it's not entirely her fault that I'm upset. Just know this... I love you.

That's it, because I don't want to say anything more.

sick and tired.

I'm so ready for school to be over that it pains me to get up and go every day. This week, I thought would be fine. I thought it would go by quickly, and that it would be all right because everyone would have loosened up and nobody will give me crap. Low and behold I was entirely incorrect. Like more than just entirely. I was in such a good mood all day. Honestly. A good mood. And then it was time for English. And, sure I may be a little on the inadequate side because I don't have my driver's license yet, but having one doesn't make you "cool". Seriously.

This morning, my sister (who is younger and drives) and I stopped at the convenience store to get something to drink. I saw my English teacher, Mrs. Johnson, there. She said hello, and I didn't think much of it... until class. Here's how it went.

"I saw that your sister chauffeurs you around now." - Mrs. Johnson.
"No, we just ride to school together." - Me.
"Yeah, but she drives." - Mrs. Johnson.
"And Sarah doesn't drive." - Student 1
"Why don't you drive? You're almost eighteen." - Student 2.
"Yeah, almost eighteen and doesn't have her license." - Student 3.
" You should really get your license." - Student 4.
"I wish you guys would stop making fun of me and be quiet, because you honestly don't know how much crap I get for not having my license yet. Seriously." - Me.
"I wasn't making fun of you." - Mrs. Johnson.
"I was!" - Student 2.
*students one through four continue to glare at me as I sit and tear up.*

These are the people who make high school hateworthy. "Oh, 'its the best time of your life'." It sure as hell isn't the best time of my life. God, why cant I be older? And the thing is, that in my English class, there were four other students without their licenses, but they picked on who? --- me. And the teacher just egged it on.
Not only was that terrible, but after I got home I discovered that my sister locked my cat in her bedroom, and what do you expect a cat to do when it has no litter box? She peed on her bed and crapped in her floor. I said it was her fault, and after about half an hour of yelling and arguing, I ended up cleaning it up, but definitely making sure to leave a little something behind... on her air vent.

Right now I'm installing The Sims 3. I'm going to go relax. Stress isn't good on the pores.

Later, everyone.

and not all memories are bad.

As this year of high school comes to a close, I realize how close I am to graduating from high school altogether. And I still am excited even though it seems very strange that in a year from right now I will be independent and on my own. It's exciting, very, very exciting.

Lately, I have also been thinking about my friends that are graduating. I don't have too many that are going out this year, just a handful or so, but still, those friends are very important to me, and they make me treasure my memories with them throughout the year. Like how Jared used to walk me to class after fifth period, or how Tyler always hugged me at the beginning of lunch, or even how Kegan always joked around with me in English. Those times were very memorable of my year this year in high school, and those three people will let me remember this year for a long time. Just because they were there.

Of course I have several other friends (and even ones I don't go to school with), but these kids have made high school better. I'm one of those kids who hates going, but goes anyways just to get it over with, and while there, these boys have improved my mood. Of course there are a few girls in there who make things worthwhile, such as my friend Tiffany K. and Bethany. I've known Bethany my whole life, and Tiffany, while a new friend, is a good one. She's fun and I'm actually doing a shoot with her on Saturday morning for graduation pictures.


They're going to be gone next year and I will be the superior of the school, and quite frankly, I'm ready for that. Everyday I wish that high school would be over with, I just don't want my future to fly by as quickly. I know that high school is 'preparing me' for whatever else happens to me later on, but it gets very tiring and very boring after a while.

Nonetheless, this year at school was a fairly good one. My classes weren't as difficult as I expected them to be, and math was a good challenge, but I beat it and definitely passed. With that, I end this post by saying that it was worth it this year. I made more friends and grew so much closer to the others that I already had.

I guess that's all.

oh, really, innocence?

Today the sophomore class decided it would be humorous to go out and purchase one thousand bouncy balls and let them loose in the C-Building hallway. The juniors thought that they were doing it tomorrow and planned to rape them of all of their bouncy balls, but they didn't. They did it between fourth and fifth hours, making the teachers in the hallway entirely furious. The idiots didn't realize that there are camera's in the hallway and the cameras caught almost every student who took place in it and they all got two days of detention after school. Idiots.

On another note, my Spanish teacher has literally gone nuts. Today she told us about getting mammogram. I don't want to hear about her boobs being felt up by a machine. Ew.

Right now, I'm chatting to a few people on AIM, and getting dressed to go eat Strawberry's. Yum. From what I can remember, they have some of the best food of all time. It's been a while since I've been though, and I haven't had it catered to me in over a year. I hope its as good as I want it to be because I'd hate to be disappointed.

That's all for now.
What are your plans tonight?